Just in case you didn't know...the "system" SUCKS!!
Ex has been paying his child support for just about a year now. He's been late a few times (more lately) and he's bounced a couple of checks but we've worked that out.
When the divorce was signed by the judge, an income deduction order was supposed to be entered to have the child support automatically deducted from his check but somebody screwed up. The last time he bounced a check, he apparently called his lawyer and started asking about that. I threatened (on here) to call child support enforcement but of course I never did because I'm too nice like that.
Anyway, his lawyer figured out that the judge's office screwed up and never signed the IDO so they got that taken care of and it was signed on 12/10. He should have paid child support last weekend but he said it was taken out of his check. As fate would have it, my boss forgot to mail my paycheck last week as well.
Thinking that I had a rather large paycheck and child support coming, I moved a bunch of money from my checking account into my emergency savings account (which I intentionally keep in a place that I don't have easy access to it). So I figured out on Thursday that the paycheck wasn't coming but I still would have been ok to pay the rent once I got the child support. Except that I didn't get child support. He says it was held out of his paycheck. And I can't get the money transferred back from my savings account until the end of this week so I'm completely broke.
My landlord is trying to work with me, but she said if she doesn't have the rent in her hand first thing in the morning, then she'll have to charge me $100/day late fee. Of course, if I write a check that bounces, it'll just be a $25 fee from the apartments and $35 from the bank so it'll actually be cheaper to just write a check and cross my fingers.
In the meantime, I got a letter today from child support services saying that I have a non-IVd child support case and they can't enforce it. If I want any more information, I need to go to their office and pay an application fee to open an application for services.
Three times today I've called and sat on hold for more than half an hour before giving up (teacher work day so the kids are still home from school today). Finally, just now I got through. The lady I spoke to said that they don't have any record of receiving a payment from Ex's employer last week but if his payday was Wednesday, then they might not have received it and entered it yet. Once they do get it, it will take 4-6 weeks for them to pay me.
And this is why I haven't gone through child support enforcement all this time, even when he was late or bounced checks. They're more of a PITA to work with than he is.
Of all the times to get the IDO processed and have a delay in my receiving the money, it had to happen in December? I guess at least it didn't happen right before Christmas.
Once I get the rent paid tomorrow, I should be pretty much ok for now. I was planning to do as much extra writing as I could over the next 5 weeks so we'd have a little extra money for our vacation in February. I've been trying to put some extra aside anyway because I know I'm going to be screwed come tax time...I didn't pay taxes on my unemployment or any of the freelance/IC stuff I've done this year so I'm sure I'm going to owe. Now it looks like I'll be doing all the extra writing I can and borrowing from savings to cover the child support while the state sits on it. Insert the expletives of your choice here...I'm sure I've used them all.
My cousin and I have been talking to the boys about the trip in February too so it's not even an option to cancel that. I'm hoping it won't be very expensive. I'll have to pay for gas to get down there and back and I'll chip in for groceries while we're there, but we'll be staying at my cousin's house so I won't have to pay for a hotel. I've got another cousin who works at Disney and should be able to get us in there cheap or hopefully free. I'm not planning to spend a fortune while we're down there but I want to have the money if I need it.
I know the IDO will make things more convenient in the long run, but it just pisses me off that it's such a pain to get it started. Ex is pissed too because he's paid the money, but it's benefiting the state instead of his kids. I'm sure he's secretly laughing about the fact that I'm just left hanging and wondering, but it's not nearly as amusing as if he were the one holding the money over my head. This way he doesn't get to keep the money AND his kids don't get it.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Just found out...
I just found out that I have another nephew...or ex-nephew...or something. Apparently my boys have a cousin who is "several months old." I was cleaning up some Christmas stuff and noticed the tag on one of the gift bags that came home from Ex's. It had two names on it. I asked the boys who the second name was and they had no idea. I asked if their cousin had a baby brother and they said they didn't know. I texted Ex and asked him if his sister had another baby and he just texted back that she's got two kids and the youngest is several months old. He said he was pretty sure that the boys saw the baby at the fourth of July. That would explain the big family get-together that weekend...it wasn't about Squirt's birthday, it was for all the family to meet the new baby. Oh well.
It makes me mad because I talk to the boys about that side of the family and show them pictures and try to make sure that they know those people who never bother to see them. All this time we've talked about their one cousin, I had no idea that they had another cousin.
I guess it just feels weird that no one thought I would want to know. My SIL had a baby right after Squirt was born but she died when she was 6 days old. That hit me really hard. She had another baby a few months after Pork Chop and I swear I was as excited as she was. I'm happy for her and probably would have even made something for the baby if I'd known. It's just strange to find out this way. Oh well...
It makes me mad because I talk to the boys about that side of the family and show them pictures and try to make sure that they know those people who never bother to see them. All this time we've talked about their one cousin, I had no idea that they had another cousin.
I guess it just feels weird that no one thought I would want to know. My SIL had a baby right after Squirt was born but she died when she was 6 days old. That hit me really hard. She had another baby a few months after Pork Chop and I swear I was as excited as she was. I'm happy for her and probably would have even made something for the baby if I'd known. It's just strange to find out this way. Oh well...
Craziness
I've been meaning to post an update ever since I made that whiny self-pitying post on Christmas Eve. Things have just been so crazy.
Christmas wound up being ok. I sat up all night Christmas Eve wrapping gifts, catching up on DVR, and drinking a little bit (not as much as I expected!). I slept till about 11 Christmas morning. When I hadn't heard from Ex by 11:30 (he was supposed to have the kids home by noon), I texted him and asked him if he was bringing them home AT NOON or if I needed to come get them AT NOON. Hint hint hint. He said if I wanted them at noon I'd have to come get them. I was hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid when he said that.
I got over to his house right at noon and when I knocked on the door, Her mother answered the door. I've seen some things this woman has posted about me on FB (apparently she's not smart enough to realize there are two sides to every story and his version makes no sense at all!) and it appears that she was encouraging him to divorce me before we even separated. Yeah, I'm thrilled to see that this woman got to spend Christmas morning with my kids instead of me! Oh well, I guess these are the things divorced mothers have to learn to suck up. At least the mother lives 4 hours away so the kids won't be around her very often and from what I can tell, the girlfriend herself is much more discreet around the kids.
I kind of felt guilty making the kids leave when I did. When he proposed that the handoff happen at noon, I fussed that it wasn't fair to the kids because it meant they just had to open presents and run. I wanted them to be able to enjoy Christmas day without all the running around and tension. He insisted that it should be noon and I caved. So now this year I felt like I should hold him to the agreement that he fought for. I could have let the kids stay at his house later but I was selfish and wanted them home to have our Christmas. So I'm human. (Besides that, any time I offer him extra time with the kids, he twists that around to I'm "dumping" the kids on him or don't want them myself.)
This part is going to sound like whining but you have to know that I'm laughing and rolling my eyes when I write it. I'm really not upset about it...I think it's hilarious. When I walked in to get the kids, Squirt came running up to show me his new video game then immediately started crying that it's too hard and he hates it. (Yes, I'm working on teaching him to accept gifts a little more gracefully!) Pork Chop came running over to show me his new video game. After Ex told me he wasn't going to get it for him, I juggled some money around and spent most of the day fighting the Walmart Christmas crowd to buy one and some games to go with it. Well, I guess Ex changed his mind and decided to buy it...but all he could find was a pink/purple one so he got that...and no games to go in it. I asked him if he had the box so I could return it and let Pork Chop have the green one I bought but he said the box was ripped up and I should just give that one to a little girl we know. I really thought he was going to cry...he was so bummed about both of the games. I felt sorry for him...he actually tried to do something nice and it bombed. I've certainly been there enough times!
When we got home and the boys started opening their gifts here, half the stuff Squirt opened he told me he already had. When I unpacked the stuff from their dad's house, I figured it out. MIL had e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago asking what the boys "need" for Christmas. I was nice about it but made it very clear that they have everything they need....one of their parents takes care of their needs! I did make several suggestions for appropriate gifts but I also told her several things that my parents and I had already gotten them. For instance, I told her that they like board games that we can all play together but we've already got Memory, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, and Hi-Ho Cherry-o. Squirt really wants Hungry Hungry Hippos so that would be a good one for her to get and anything else that Pork Chop can play without much help. What did she buy for them? Memory, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, and Hi-Ho Cherry-o. I told her they wanted Transformers so I got these specific ones for them. She bought the same ones I had already gotten. Bitch. Like I said, I'm really not mad about it though...I find her immaturity amusing. And now I get to take all those gifts back and swap them for something better. It's better than if she had just gotten something completely inappropriate that we were stuck with. And hey, this is the first time since the kids were born that either MIL or SIL didn't buy the boys musical instruments for Christmas!
The boys didn't seem to mind all the duplicate gifts. I just told them we'll take them back to the store and swap them for something new. The thing is, they got so freaking much that they don't need any more! I'll probably wind up returning most of the duplicates for gift cards that I can use later for things they really need. When I was getting ready for Christmas, I found a huge bag of birthday gifts that I had put up to pull out later and forgot about! I'm hoping Ex actually takes them this weekend so I can go through their toyboxes and purge to make room for the new Christmas stuff. I would have them help but Squirt really doesn't get the point. He always picks his favorite toys to give away and then for some reason wants to hang on to the crap happy meal toys and all.
As much as I wanted to hate the video game that Ex got for Squirt, after they went to bed on Christmas night, I hooked it up to the computer and played with the options for customizing the games. Turns out, it's actually pretty cool. I downloaded the free game that came with it (not the violent one I had read about) and customized the math questions for that one and the Spongebob game they bought. I set both games up for 1st grade skills. For Squirt, I set it to ask addition questions 0-10. For Pork Chop's profile, I set it to 1st grade geometry, 2-D shapes so it pretty much just asks him to identify shapes, how many sides a shape has, etc. Yesterday, I noticed that the game started asking Squirt subtraction questions. I thought I had accidentally selected that so I hooked the game back to the computer to check. It told me that he had mastered the addition learning objective I'd chosen so it automatically added in the simplest subtraction objective and addition up to 19. COOL! And once I got the questions in there that Squirt can handle, he loves it. I wound up ordering him two more games to go with it. They're both reading games and you can put in your own spelling lists so I'll put his sight words in there. No more fighting over practicing sight words! Two of the games that I got for Pork Chop's Leapster are K-3rd grade games. Believe it or not, the boys have been taking turns with both games and Squirt likes the Leapster just as much as his Didj. I was afraid that he might think the Leapster was a "baby" game but he goes back and forth between the two. He even asked if he could keep the pink leapster for himself instead of me returning it. Pork Chop likes playing the Spongebob game on the Didj as much as the Leapster. I was really nice the other night and called Ex to let him know that both games turned out to be a good choice and the boys love them. Obviously he didn't really want to talk to me, but I think it made him feel a little better.
So anyway, it turned out to be a good Christmas. My parents got me a stand mixer I've been wanting. FG said he knows what he's going to get me but he ran out of money so I'll get my gift this weekend when he gets paid again. I have an idea what it might be but I'm not sure. I've had an Adam and Eve gift card for a while that I haven't used so I bought myself a Christmas present. ;)
Now I've just got to get my apartment back to normal and get everyone back on some kind of routine and get back to saving up for our trip to Florida in February. I decided to take the boys and go visit my cousin in Orlando the week they're out of school for winter break. FG and his sister are also going to Disney with some friends that same week which should prove interesting. If nothing else, I'll get some practice at enforcing boundaries!
Christmas wound up being ok. I sat up all night Christmas Eve wrapping gifts, catching up on DVR, and drinking a little bit (not as much as I expected!). I slept till about 11 Christmas morning. When I hadn't heard from Ex by 11:30 (he was supposed to have the kids home by noon), I texted him and asked him if he was bringing them home AT NOON or if I needed to come get them AT NOON. Hint hint hint. He said if I wanted them at noon I'd have to come get them. I was hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid when he said that.
I got over to his house right at noon and when I knocked on the door, Her mother answered the door. I've seen some things this woman has posted about me on FB (apparently she's not smart enough to realize there are two sides to every story and his version makes no sense at all!) and it appears that she was encouraging him to divorce me before we even separated. Yeah, I'm thrilled to see that this woman got to spend Christmas morning with my kids instead of me! Oh well, I guess these are the things divorced mothers have to learn to suck up. At least the mother lives 4 hours away so the kids won't be around her very often and from what I can tell, the girlfriend herself is much more discreet around the kids.
I kind of felt guilty making the kids leave when I did. When he proposed that the handoff happen at noon, I fussed that it wasn't fair to the kids because it meant they just had to open presents and run. I wanted them to be able to enjoy Christmas day without all the running around and tension. He insisted that it should be noon and I caved. So now this year I felt like I should hold him to the agreement that he fought for. I could have let the kids stay at his house later but I was selfish and wanted them home to have our Christmas. So I'm human. (Besides that, any time I offer him extra time with the kids, he twists that around to I'm "dumping" the kids on him or don't want them myself.)
This part is going to sound like whining but you have to know that I'm laughing and rolling my eyes when I write it. I'm really not upset about it...I think it's hilarious. When I walked in to get the kids, Squirt came running up to show me his new video game then immediately started crying that it's too hard and he hates it. (Yes, I'm working on teaching him to accept gifts a little more gracefully!) Pork Chop came running over to show me his new video game. After Ex told me he wasn't going to get it for him, I juggled some money around and spent most of the day fighting the Walmart Christmas crowd to buy one and some games to go with it. Well, I guess Ex changed his mind and decided to buy it...but all he could find was a pink/purple one so he got that...and no games to go in it. I asked him if he had the box so I could return it and let Pork Chop have the green one I bought but he said the box was ripped up and I should just give that one to a little girl we know. I really thought he was going to cry...he was so bummed about both of the games. I felt sorry for him...he actually tried to do something nice and it bombed. I've certainly been there enough times!
When we got home and the boys started opening their gifts here, half the stuff Squirt opened he told me he already had. When I unpacked the stuff from their dad's house, I figured it out. MIL had e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago asking what the boys "need" for Christmas. I was nice about it but made it very clear that they have everything they need....one of their parents takes care of their needs! I did make several suggestions for appropriate gifts but I also told her several things that my parents and I had already gotten them. For instance, I told her that they like board games that we can all play together but we've already got Memory, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, and Hi-Ho Cherry-o. Squirt really wants Hungry Hungry Hippos so that would be a good one for her to get and anything else that Pork Chop can play without much help. What did she buy for them? Memory, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, and Hi-Ho Cherry-o. I told her they wanted Transformers so I got these specific ones for them. She bought the same ones I had already gotten. Bitch. Like I said, I'm really not mad about it though...I find her immaturity amusing. And now I get to take all those gifts back and swap them for something better. It's better than if she had just gotten something completely inappropriate that we were stuck with. And hey, this is the first time since the kids were born that either MIL or SIL didn't buy the boys musical instruments for Christmas!
The boys didn't seem to mind all the duplicate gifts. I just told them we'll take them back to the store and swap them for something new. The thing is, they got so freaking much that they don't need any more! I'll probably wind up returning most of the duplicates for gift cards that I can use later for things they really need. When I was getting ready for Christmas, I found a huge bag of birthday gifts that I had put up to pull out later and forgot about! I'm hoping Ex actually takes them this weekend so I can go through their toyboxes and purge to make room for the new Christmas stuff. I would have them help but Squirt really doesn't get the point. He always picks his favorite toys to give away and then for some reason wants to hang on to the crap happy meal toys and all.
As much as I wanted to hate the video game that Ex got for Squirt, after they went to bed on Christmas night, I hooked it up to the computer and played with the options for customizing the games. Turns out, it's actually pretty cool. I downloaded the free game that came with it (not the violent one I had read about) and customized the math questions for that one and the Spongebob game they bought. I set both games up for 1st grade skills. For Squirt, I set it to ask addition questions 0-10. For Pork Chop's profile, I set it to 1st grade geometry, 2-D shapes so it pretty much just asks him to identify shapes, how many sides a shape has, etc. Yesterday, I noticed that the game started asking Squirt subtraction questions. I thought I had accidentally selected that so I hooked the game back to the computer to check. It told me that he had mastered the addition learning objective I'd chosen so it automatically added in the simplest subtraction objective and addition up to 19. COOL! And once I got the questions in there that Squirt can handle, he loves it. I wound up ordering him two more games to go with it. They're both reading games and you can put in your own spelling lists so I'll put his sight words in there. No more fighting over practicing sight words! Two of the games that I got for Pork Chop's Leapster are K-3rd grade games. Believe it or not, the boys have been taking turns with both games and Squirt likes the Leapster just as much as his Didj. I was afraid that he might think the Leapster was a "baby" game but he goes back and forth between the two. He even asked if he could keep the pink leapster for himself instead of me returning it. Pork Chop likes playing the Spongebob game on the Didj as much as the Leapster. I was really nice the other night and called Ex to let him know that both games turned out to be a good choice and the boys love them. Obviously he didn't really want to talk to me, but I think it made him feel a little better.
So anyway, it turned out to be a good Christmas. My parents got me a stand mixer I've been wanting. FG said he knows what he's going to get me but he ran out of money so I'll get my gift this weekend when he gets paid again. I have an idea what it might be but I'm not sure. I've had an Adam and Eve gift card for a while that I haven't used so I bought myself a Christmas present. ;)
Now I've just got to get my apartment back to normal and get everyone back on some kind of routine and get back to saving up for our trip to Florida in February. I decided to take the boys and go visit my cousin in Orlando the week they're out of school for winter break. FG and his sister are also going to Disney with some friends that same week which should prove interesting. If nothing else, I'll get some practice at enforcing boundaries!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas
I hope everyone is settling in for a wonderful holiday with your family. My good friend Jose and I are spending Christmas Eve together.
Ex actually picked up the boys this afternoon. The boys had been excited about going over there for Christmas but they just realized last night that they'd be spending the night there and be there in the morning when Santa comes. When I explained it to them, Squirt asked why my voice sounded sad. I was angry at myself because I was doing my best to hide it. I told him that I'll miss them on Christmas morning and I want them to be here with me but I understand that their daddy wants them there too and we have to take turns. I don't want to make it sound like the kids are property or toys that we have to share but I guess it's good for them to understand that we don't have to like the way things are but we have to accept it. Maybe someday they'll remember how hard this was for all of us and make better choices than their father and I did.
I know I'll burn in Hell for even thinking this, but part of me wanted him to cry and fuss and say he didn't want to go. Maybe if he pitched a big enough fit, Ex would have let them come home tonight. But he didn't...and he didn't...
I remember back when I was in high school and mom was doing daycare. We had a mother with a 3-year old who had never been left before. He put on a good show for his mom every morning. He'd scream and cry and cling to her and pitch a royal fit every single morning. The mom walked out our door in tears every morning but the baby was fine before she even got in the car most days. One day, he practically jumped out of her arms and ran in to play with a smile on his face. She stood there at the door getting all weepy. I was just a kid myself back then, but I remember just as clear as if it were yesterday. She told me she wasn't sure which was worse...when he cried or when he didn't. At the time, I remember just rolling my eyes and telling her I had to get ready for school. When I had my own children, I understood. Now that I'm divorced, I understand on a whole new level. It breaks my heart when the boys leave here with their dad crying and begging to stay with me. It kills me when they call me and tell me they want to come home. But it's just as hard when they're happy to leave and don't call at all. I'm not sure which is worse.
All day today the boys have been begging to go to their dad's house and it's been driving me crazy. I think I've done a pretty good job of hiding my emotions but who knows. When it started getting close to time, Squirt started mellowing out a bit. They made bags of "magic reindeer food" at school (birdseed) and he wanted to put out the reindeer food before they went to their dad's. We've been baking goodies all week since they've been home and he wanted to pack a bag of cookies to put out for Santa at Daddy's house, but he made me promise to put out cookies here too.
When they got in the car to go with their dad, Pork Chop told me he'd miss me and Squirt started to cry.
Again, I'm sure I'll burn in Hell for this, but I've actually been rehearsing the fight I'd have with their dad when he picked them up. I've been playing through the conversation in my head all day. I'd remind him that the has to have them home by noon. He'd say "we'll see how things are going tomorrow and I'll let you know something." I'd remind him that he's the one who fought in mediation to get the handoff at noon and dammit he can live with it now. I'd tell him that if they're not home by noon, I'll be on his doorstep with the police at 12:01 and I'll file contempt of court charges Monday morning and petition to have the custody agreement modified. Of course I'd wait till the kids were in the car so they wouldn't hear any of it but I'd lay down the law for him and hold him to the agreement he fought for.
Of course, when the time came, I buckled the kids in and Squirt started crying and I just couldn't do it. I kissed him and walked away. I didn't say a single word to Ex. I came inside and splashed cold water on my face to stop the tears and took my first shot.
I waited a respectable amount of time but my "boyfriend" didn't call to check on me. I finally called him. He's been bugging me about us coming over for Christmas dinner tomorrow night. I told him we'll be having Christmas dinner with family like we always do but he keeps asking. Tonight, he didn't offer to come over or invite me down there. At one point I even told him I was thinking of coming down to his house tonight. He said it was fine but his brother just got in from out of town so he couldn't leave. Then his sister came in and told him to get off the phone. While I was on the phone with him, my mom called. I got off the phone with him and called her back. She said she just wanted to check on me but I started to cry when I told her about the boys leaving. So she told me to have a good night and hung up.
Both of my upstairs neighbors are having family parties tonight and I have never felt so alone. I keep walking out in the courtyard and breezeway thinking someone will...something...but everybody's in their own little world.
The thing is, I really don't want any company...I really don't even want to talk to anyone. I kind of want to be alone. Actually, I want to be with my kids but if I can't, I'd just rather be alone than putting on a happy face for anyone else.
I'm really not as depressed as I sound. I've still got to get all the presents wrapped and I want to get some work done tonight. I'm catching up on my DVR and drinking without feeling guilty which I haven't done in a little while.
I was thrilled today to find out that Sean Goldman was returned to his father. What a Christmas gift! I realize how lucky I am. At least I know my kids will be home tomorrow afternoon. My heart hurts for all the parents who don't know where their children are or if/when they'll see them again. Am I the only one who gets choked up every time I pass the missing children's posters in the front of Walmart? I don't remember ever even noticing them until I got pregnant the first time. After I had the miscarriage, they prescribed me painkillers. I remember on the way in to get the prescription I just completely lost it. We actually had to stop because I couldn't even walk. I had never even seen those posters there before that day but something had changed...I was a mother...I didn't have a child...but something inside me was a mother. Now every time I walk through the entrance and pass those posters, I start to get choked up. I can't let myself stop and look at them because I'll just break down completely. When I got wrapped up in the international parental abduction bit, I got to know a few of the parents of children who were abducted by their other parent. I just can't imagine. Still, knowing it could be worse doesn't really make it any better. I guess I'm just selfish like that.
Really, I know how stupid all of this is. It's just a day. I'll sleep in tomorrow morning and probably not wake up till Ex calls to say he's on his way home with the boys. They'll get here and we'll have our Christmas. All I'm really missing is getting woke up early. Logically, this is the ideal arrangement for me. I get to relax and drink and take my time wrapping gifts. I get to be as noisy as I want to. I get to sleep late in the morning. His gifts will be left in a corner while the kids open my gifts and mine will be the new and exciting ones. Realistically, I win all the way around. So why do I feel like shit about it?
Ex actually picked up the boys this afternoon. The boys had been excited about going over there for Christmas but they just realized last night that they'd be spending the night there and be there in the morning when Santa comes. When I explained it to them, Squirt asked why my voice sounded sad. I was angry at myself because I was doing my best to hide it. I told him that I'll miss them on Christmas morning and I want them to be here with me but I understand that their daddy wants them there too and we have to take turns. I don't want to make it sound like the kids are property or toys that we have to share but I guess it's good for them to understand that we don't have to like the way things are but we have to accept it. Maybe someday they'll remember how hard this was for all of us and make better choices than their father and I did.
I know I'll burn in Hell for even thinking this, but part of me wanted him to cry and fuss and say he didn't want to go. Maybe if he pitched a big enough fit, Ex would have let them come home tonight. But he didn't...and he didn't...
I remember back when I was in high school and mom was doing daycare. We had a mother with a 3-year old who had never been left before. He put on a good show for his mom every morning. He'd scream and cry and cling to her and pitch a royal fit every single morning. The mom walked out our door in tears every morning but the baby was fine before she even got in the car most days. One day, he practically jumped out of her arms and ran in to play with a smile on his face. She stood there at the door getting all weepy. I was just a kid myself back then, but I remember just as clear as if it were yesterday. She told me she wasn't sure which was worse...when he cried or when he didn't. At the time, I remember just rolling my eyes and telling her I had to get ready for school. When I had my own children, I understood. Now that I'm divorced, I understand on a whole new level. It breaks my heart when the boys leave here with their dad crying and begging to stay with me. It kills me when they call me and tell me they want to come home. But it's just as hard when they're happy to leave and don't call at all. I'm not sure which is worse.
All day today the boys have been begging to go to their dad's house and it's been driving me crazy. I think I've done a pretty good job of hiding my emotions but who knows. When it started getting close to time, Squirt started mellowing out a bit. They made bags of "magic reindeer food" at school (birdseed) and he wanted to put out the reindeer food before they went to their dad's. We've been baking goodies all week since they've been home and he wanted to pack a bag of cookies to put out for Santa at Daddy's house, but he made me promise to put out cookies here too.
When they got in the car to go with their dad, Pork Chop told me he'd miss me and Squirt started to cry.
Again, I'm sure I'll burn in Hell for this, but I've actually been rehearsing the fight I'd have with their dad when he picked them up. I've been playing through the conversation in my head all day. I'd remind him that the has to have them home by noon. He'd say "we'll see how things are going tomorrow and I'll let you know something." I'd remind him that he's the one who fought in mediation to get the handoff at noon and dammit he can live with it now. I'd tell him that if they're not home by noon, I'll be on his doorstep with the police at 12:01 and I'll file contempt of court charges Monday morning and petition to have the custody agreement modified. Of course I'd wait till the kids were in the car so they wouldn't hear any of it but I'd lay down the law for him and hold him to the agreement he fought for.
Of course, when the time came, I buckled the kids in and Squirt started crying and I just couldn't do it. I kissed him and walked away. I didn't say a single word to Ex. I came inside and splashed cold water on my face to stop the tears and took my first shot.
I waited a respectable amount of time but my "boyfriend" didn't call to check on me. I finally called him. He's been bugging me about us coming over for Christmas dinner tomorrow night. I told him we'll be having Christmas dinner with family like we always do but he keeps asking. Tonight, he didn't offer to come over or invite me down there. At one point I even told him I was thinking of coming down to his house tonight. He said it was fine but his brother just got in from out of town so he couldn't leave. Then his sister came in and told him to get off the phone. While I was on the phone with him, my mom called. I got off the phone with him and called her back. She said she just wanted to check on me but I started to cry when I told her about the boys leaving. So she told me to have a good night and hung up.
Both of my upstairs neighbors are having family parties tonight and I have never felt so alone. I keep walking out in the courtyard and breezeway thinking someone will...something...but everybody's in their own little world.
The thing is, I really don't want any company...I really don't even want to talk to anyone. I kind of want to be alone. Actually, I want to be with my kids but if I can't, I'd just rather be alone than putting on a happy face for anyone else.
I'm really not as depressed as I sound. I've still got to get all the presents wrapped and I want to get some work done tonight. I'm catching up on my DVR and drinking without feeling guilty which I haven't done in a little while.
I was thrilled today to find out that Sean Goldman was returned to his father. What a Christmas gift! I realize how lucky I am. At least I know my kids will be home tomorrow afternoon. My heart hurts for all the parents who don't know where their children are or if/when they'll see them again. Am I the only one who gets choked up every time I pass the missing children's posters in the front of Walmart? I don't remember ever even noticing them until I got pregnant the first time. After I had the miscarriage, they prescribed me painkillers. I remember on the way in to get the prescription I just completely lost it. We actually had to stop because I couldn't even walk. I had never even seen those posters there before that day but something had changed...I was a mother...I didn't have a child...but something inside me was a mother. Now every time I walk through the entrance and pass those posters, I start to get choked up. I can't let myself stop and look at them because I'll just break down completely. When I got wrapped up in the international parental abduction bit, I got to know a few of the parents of children who were abducted by their other parent. I just can't imagine. Still, knowing it could be worse doesn't really make it any better. I guess I'm just selfish like that.
Really, I know how stupid all of this is. It's just a day. I'll sleep in tomorrow morning and probably not wake up till Ex calls to say he's on his way home with the boys. They'll get here and we'll have our Christmas. All I'm really missing is getting woke up early. Logically, this is the ideal arrangement for me. I get to relax and drink and take my time wrapping gifts. I get to be as noisy as I want to. I get to sleep late in the morning. His gifts will be left in a corner while the kids open my gifts and mine will be the new and exciting ones. Realistically, I win all the way around. So why do I feel like shit about it?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
It's not fair!
I know I'm being stupid about this but I just need to get it out of my system so I can get over it.
He's going to take the boys for Christmas. The man who can't be bothered to be a parent or even a visitor 364 days out of the year suddenly wants to be a dad on Christmas morning. I knew it was his turn and I knew there was a chance he'd actually do it if for no other reason than to hurt me, but somehow I didn't actually expect him to.
I picked the boys up at his house tonight and he asked me if he was getting them on Thursday. I told him I don't know and asked him if he was. He seemed almost embarrassed about it but he said he just wanted to make sure we were still following the papers. Because you know we haven't ever followed them before, so now's as good a time as any to start, right? When it works in his favor!
He said he'll pick them up Thursday afternoon and return them to me sometime on Friday. I reminded him that he's the one who wanted the swap to happen at noon on Christmas day and that's what the papers say. He said "we'll figure something out." WTF is that supposed to mean?!?!?!
I've been trying to prepare myself for this. I know it's just a day and we can have Christmas any time. But it hit me harder than I expected. I wish he'd told me on Friday so I could sulk about it all weekend and get over it. He told me when I picked them up and it was all I could do not to cry the whole way home.
It's just not fair! I'm their mother. I'm the one that takes care of them every single day. I'm the one that gets up in the middle of the night when they have a nightmare. I'm the one that sits up all night when Pork Chop's got a fever. I'm the one that wipes their snotty noses and poopy butts. I'm the one teaching Squirt to read and nagging him about doing his homework. I'm the one that kisses their booboos and makes them brush their teeth and eat their vegetables. I'm the one that misses time at work to go and help out at their schools...and then I sit up all night working to make up for it. I'm the one that skipped meals when money was tight and he wasn't paying child support. I'm the one that can't make plans more than five minutes in advance because he might show up and want to see them...or he might not. I'm the one that hugs them and assures them that their dad does love them when he's screwed up again. I'm the one that does all the work of parenting and deals with all the crappy parts of parenting, I should get to enjoy the fun parts too.
It's not fair that I was faithful while we were married. No matter how bad things got, I had enough decency and respect to end my marriage before I even thought about looking at someone else. I can't say the same for him. It's not fair that I've bent over backwards trying to be nice to him and sensitive to his feelings since we split, no matter how he was acting towards me/us. I've tried very hard not to flaunt my relationship with FG in front of him (and believe me, with their work situation, that hasn't been easy). I've tried to do whatever I could to make it easier for him to be involved with the kids whether he wanted to or not. Last Christmas, I even opened up my home to him and let him come over here to see the boys open their gifts and all so that he didn't have to spend a Christmas morning without his kids. Do you think he's returning the favor this year?
Yes, it would be awkward for me to come to their house on Christmas morning. But it wouldn't be unbearable. She and I get along fine. Ironically, we actually have a lot in common. I don't think either of us would have a problem with me coming over to watch the boys open presents that morning. But he won't make the offer. I took the high road. I was the bigger person. I set a good example and tried to establish a precedent. I thought of my kids first and considered that they would like to have both of their parents with them on Christmas morning. But that knowledge will mean absolutely nothing to me on Friday morning when I'm sitting here alone watching the clock tick and waiting for noon.
It's just a day...but dammit it should be my day!
When I dropped the boys off on Friday, Ex showed me one gift he'd gotten for Squirt. I had to go into their bedroom to see it. Their bedroom with my marital bed in it. The sheets and comforter that I bought for that bed. Our tv. The computer he bought with my money. And the pictures of her kid all over the walls. Artwork her kid has made. No trace of our children anywhere in the apartment.
Anyway, he got Squirt a Didj. It's a handheld video game from Leapfrog. The age range on it is 6-10 years but I think it's "too old" for Squirt. The reviews I've read about it are not great. It's supposedly and edu-tainment thing but from what I can tell, the education part is an afterthought. They only make a few games for it, and most of them will be much too hard for Squirt. They have games like Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and SpongeBob...all things I don't allow my children to watch. They do get to watch SpongeBob at their dad's but that's mostly because he knows I don't like it. The game that comes with the system involves multiplication (and some of the reviews I've read have suggested that the game is too violent for young children)...Squirt's still mastering counting and just barely starting to do addition. Not to worry though...She ordered a SpongeBob game for him. Of course, when I looked at the SpongeBob games, the only two I found were geometry/fractions, and 2-digit addition/subtraction/multiplication/division. I'm sure he'll grow into it, but apparently this system is designed more to quiz the kids than to teach them so until he does grow into it, he'll be able to play the games and I'll have to answer the math questions for him. Yay.
When he showed me that, he said he still hadn't figured out what to get for Pork Chop. I told him he should get him a Leapster. It's a similar handheld gaming system designed for 4-8 year olds. The games are completely educational (unlike the Didj games) and are designed to teach preschool thru 2nd grade skills (rather than just quizzing the kids between game levels). The titles they have for the Leapster are Disney, Pixar, and Noggin titles. Honestly, I almost bought them both a Leapster. Ex said no, he doesn't think Pork Chop's ready for that yet.
So let's see, for Squirt's birthday, they went to Grandmama's house and had a big party and he came home with a truckload of really cool new toys and gifts. For Pork Chop's birthday, Grandmama sent Squirt a Buzz Lightyear toy. That's right...Pork Chop didn't get a card, a cake, or a single gift from anyone in that family for his birthday. And even worse, MIL for whatever reason sent Squirt a new toy on Pork Chop's birthday. He's only 3 but believe me, he noticed. He still notices. Every time they start to fight over one of the toys that Squirt got, Squirt reminds everyone that he got that from Daddy (or whoever) for his birthday and then asks what that person gave Pork Chop for his birthday. When Squirt got the Buzz Lightyear, Pork Chop was so devastated that I bought him a Woody to ease the blow but it still didn't make it right.
So now for Christmas, Squirt's going to get a video game and Pork Chop's going to get....what? I'm kind of pissed at FG because I think what he got for Squirt is a lot "cooler" than what he got for Pork Chop even though they were the same price. I know that Pork Chop is going to be jealous. And his dad's doing the same thing. I don't think they always have to have the same thing, but you can't give one of them a video game (when they've both been begging for video games for months) and then give the other one a Matchbox car and expect it to be ok! If it were anything else besides a video game it would be different...but that's HUGE for them.
I think I'm going to leave the boys at Mom's tomorrow and go buy the Leapster myself just in case. It'll be an extra $40 for the system and $20 or so for a game to go with it and I was supposed to be done with shopping, but that way if he comes home upset on Christmas day, I'll have it. I bought the boys a computer for Christmas but everything else I've got for them is small. It's things they've asked for, and that I think they'll like, but nothing really awesome. I'm not going to have my Christmas ruined because he's so upset that Brother got something really nice and he didn't. Of course, I feel like I can't keep cleaning up after Ex forever. I bought Woody with money I didn't have to make up for Squirt getting Buzz. Now I'll buy Pork Chop a video game to make up for Ex not getting it. It's not fair. I shouldn't have to. But it's not fair for Pork Chop to have to deal with his dumbass father and the last thing I want is for him to start resenting Squirt.
Usually every time the kids go over to their dad's, they both come home upset because The Kid was playing the PS2 all weekend and their dad wouldn't let them play it. For some reason today, he decided to let Squirt play, but not Pork Chop. A huge fight broke out which from what I can tell turned into a knock-down-drag-out between all three boys. Ex tried to justify that Pork Chop just can't play the games. I told him that's fine...but you can still give him the controller and let him think he's playing so he gets a turn. He just rolled his eyes and said that The Kid doesn't have any games that are suitable for our boys. So freaking buy some! I've been over there on Friday afternoons when he's bought a new game for The Kid. Apparently he plays games with The Kid because he whines that The Kid is too bossy and no fun to play with. But he can't buy a single game to have over there for when his own kids visit? And he can't be troubled to play with his own kids? And even when I've offered to send some of our kids' toys over there to stay, he's said no. So what? Am I supposed to go buy some PS2 games that are suitable for my boys that they can take to their dad's house and leave for when they're over there visiting? Or am I just supposed to listen to them whine and cry when they get home that he didn't have anything for them to do or let The Kid play video games but didn't give them a turn.
Anyway, I have to get to work now because the kids will be home for the next two weeks which means it will be next to impossible for me to work during the day. Of course, that's ok for me...I can take care of the kids all day and work all night and still wear a smile on my face. After all, they won't really be home for the next two weeks. He'll have them for the 18 hours that matters.
He's going to take the boys for Christmas. The man who can't be bothered to be a parent or even a visitor 364 days out of the year suddenly wants to be a dad on Christmas morning. I knew it was his turn and I knew there was a chance he'd actually do it if for no other reason than to hurt me, but somehow I didn't actually expect him to.
I picked the boys up at his house tonight and he asked me if he was getting them on Thursday. I told him I don't know and asked him if he was. He seemed almost embarrassed about it but he said he just wanted to make sure we were still following the papers. Because you know we haven't ever followed them before, so now's as good a time as any to start, right? When it works in his favor!
He said he'll pick them up Thursday afternoon and return them to me sometime on Friday. I reminded him that he's the one who wanted the swap to happen at noon on Christmas day and that's what the papers say. He said "we'll figure something out." WTF is that supposed to mean?!?!?!
I've been trying to prepare myself for this. I know it's just a day and we can have Christmas any time. But it hit me harder than I expected. I wish he'd told me on Friday so I could sulk about it all weekend and get over it. He told me when I picked them up and it was all I could do not to cry the whole way home.
It's just not fair! I'm their mother. I'm the one that takes care of them every single day. I'm the one that gets up in the middle of the night when they have a nightmare. I'm the one that sits up all night when Pork Chop's got a fever. I'm the one that wipes their snotty noses and poopy butts. I'm the one teaching Squirt to read and nagging him about doing his homework. I'm the one that kisses their booboos and makes them brush their teeth and eat their vegetables. I'm the one that misses time at work to go and help out at their schools...and then I sit up all night working to make up for it. I'm the one that skipped meals when money was tight and he wasn't paying child support. I'm the one that can't make plans more than five minutes in advance because he might show up and want to see them...or he might not. I'm the one that hugs them and assures them that their dad does love them when he's screwed up again. I'm the one that does all the work of parenting and deals with all the crappy parts of parenting, I should get to enjoy the fun parts too.
It's not fair that I was faithful while we were married. No matter how bad things got, I had enough decency and respect to end my marriage before I even thought about looking at someone else. I can't say the same for him. It's not fair that I've bent over backwards trying to be nice to him and sensitive to his feelings since we split, no matter how he was acting towards me/us. I've tried very hard not to flaunt my relationship with FG in front of him (and believe me, with their work situation, that hasn't been easy). I've tried to do whatever I could to make it easier for him to be involved with the kids whether he wanted to or not. Last Christmas, I even opened up my home to him and let him come over here to see the boys open their gifts and all so that he didn't have to spend a Christmas morning without his kids. Do you think he's returning the favor this year?
Yes, it would be awkward for me to come to their house on Christmas morning. But it wouldn't be unbearable. She and I get along fine. Ironically, we actually have a lot in common. I don't think either of us would have a problem with me coming over to watch the boys open presents that morning. But he won't make the offer. I took the high road. I was the bigger person. I set a good example and tried to establish a precedent. I thought of my kids first and considered that they would like to have both of their parents with them on Christmas morning. But that knowledge will mean absolutely nothing to me on Friday morning when I'm sitting here alone watching the clock tick and waiting for noon.
It's just a day...but dammit it should be my day!
When I dropped the boys off on Friday, Ex showed me one gift he'd gotten for Squirt. I had to go into their bedroom to see it. Their bedroom with my marital bed in it. The sheets and comforter that I bought for that bed. Our tv. The computer he bought with my money. And the pictures of her kid all over the walls. Artwork her kid has made. No trace of our children anywhere in the apartment.
Anyway, he got Squirt a Didj. It's a handheld video game from Leapfrog. The age range on it is 6-10 years but I think it's "too old" for Squirt. The reviews I've read about it are not great. It's supposedly and edu-tainment thing but from what I can tell, the education part is an afterthought. They only make a few games for it, and most of them will be much too hard for Squirt. They have games like Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and SpongeBob...all things I don't allow my children to watch. They do get to watch SpongeBob at their dad's but that's mostly because he knows I don't like it. The game that comes with the system involves multiplication (and some of the reviews I've read have suggested that the game is too violent for young children)...Squirt's still mastering counting and just barely starting to do addition. Not to worry though...She ordered a SpongeBob game for him. Of course, when I looked at the SpongeBob games, the only two I found were geometry/fractions, and 2-digit addition/subtraction/multiplication/division. I'm sure he'll grow into it, but apparently this system is designed more to quiz the kids than to teach them so until he does grow into it, he'll be able to play the games and I'll have to answer the math questions for him. Yay.
When he showed me that, he said he still hadn't figured out what to get for Pork Chop. I told him he should get him a Leapster. It's a similar handheld gaming system designed for 4-8 year olds. The games are completely educational (unlike the Didj games) and are designed to teach preschool thru 2nd grade skills (rather than just quizzing the kids between game levels). The titles they have for the Leapster are Disney, Pixar, and Noggin titles. Honestly, I almost bought them both a Leapster. Ex said no, he doesn't think Pork Chop's ready for that yet.
So let's see, for Squirt's birthday, they went to Grandmama's house and had a big party and he came home with a truckload of really cool new toys and gifts. For Pork Chop's birthday, Grandmama sent Squirt a Buzz Lightyear toy. That's right...Pork Chop didn't get a card, a cake, or a single gift from anyone in that family for his birthday. And even worse, MIL for whatever reason sent Squirt a new toy on Pork Chop's birthday. He's only 3 but believe me, he noticed. He still notices. Every time they start to fight over one of the toys that Squirt got, Squirt reminds everyone that he got that from Daddy (or whoever) for his birthday and then asks what that person gave Pork Chop for his birthday. When Squirt got the Buzz Lightyear, Pork Chop was so devastated that I bought him a Woody to ease the blow but it still didn't make it right.
So now for Christmas, Squirt's going to get a video game and Pork Chop's going to get....what? I'm kind of pissed at FG because I think what he got for Squirt is a lot "cooler" than what he got for Pork Chop even though they were the same price. I know that Pork Chop is going to be jealous. And his dad's doing the same thing. I don't think they always have to have the same thing, but you can't give one of them a video game (when they've both been begging for video games for months) and then give the other one a Matchbox car and expect it to be ok! If it were anything else besides a video game it would be different...but that's HUGE for them.
I think I'm going to leave the boys at Mom's tomorrow and go buy the Leapster myself just in case. It'll be an extra $40 for the system and $20 or so for a game to go with it and I was supposed to be done with shopping, but that way if he comes home upset on Christmas day, I'll have it. I bought the boys a computer for Christmas but everything else I've got for them is small. It's things they've asked for, and that I think they'll like, but nothing really awesome. I'm not going to have my Christmas ruined because he's so upset that Brother got something really nice and he didn't. Of course, I feel like I can't keep cleaning up after Ex forever. I bought Woody with money I didn't have to make up for Squirt getting Buzz. Now I'll buy Pork Chop a video game to make up for Ex not getting it. It's not fair. I shouldn't have to. But it's not fair for Pork Chop to have to deal with his dumbass father and the last thing I want is for him to start resenting Squirt.
Usually every time the kids go over to their dad's, they both come home upset because The Kid was playing the PS2 all weekend and their dad wouldn't let them play it. For some reason today, he decided to let Squirt play, but not Pork Chop. A huge fight broke out which from what I can tell turned into a knock-down-drag-out between all three boys. Ex tried to justify that Pork Chop just can't play the games. I told him that's fine...but you can still give him the controller and let him think he's playing so he gets a turn. He just rolled his eyes and said that The Kid doesn't have any games that are suitable for our boys. So freaking buy some! I've been over there on Friday afternoons when he's bought a new game for The Kid. Apparently he plays games with The Kid because he whines that The Kid is too bossy and no fun to play with. But he can't buy a single game to have over there for when his own kids visit? And he can't be troubled to play with his own kids? And even when I've offered to send some of our kids' toys over there to stay, he's said no. So what? Am I supposed to go buy some PS2 games that are suitable for my boys that they can take to their dad's house and leave for when they're over there visiting? Or am I just supposed to listen to them whine and cry when they get home that he didn't have anything for them to do or let The Kid play video games but didn't give them a turn.
Anyway, I have to get to work now because the kids will be home for the next two weeks which means it will be next to impossible for me to work during the day. Of course, that's ok for me...I can take care of the kids all day and work all night and still wear a smile on my face. After all, they won't really be home for the next two weeks. He'll have them for the 18 hours that matters.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Freaking out just a little bit
I had some other things to update you about but just got a call that's got me more than a little freaked.
Ex has the kids this weekend. I knew something was up because Squirt called him right after school and asked him if they could come over this weekend and he told him "We'll see." It's his weekend and he told me on Sunday that he was taking them. He actually asked to talk to me (which he NEVER does) and said that he was working late today and didn't know what time he'd be getting off so he'd let me know something later. Usually, if he works at all on Friday it's only till about lunchtime so I figured he sounded stressed out because he was actually having to work for once.
FG was going to come over when the kids left tonight so I talked to him when he got off work and let him know that they hadn't left yet. He was laughing about the fact that Ex was "running around like a bitch" today and he said he didn't know what was up with that group but there's been bigwigs in town all week and all of those guys have actually been running. Neither of us thought much about it.
When I dropped the boys at Ex's place (She had his car...She had to take The Kid to work with her this evening because Ex wasn't home yet), he was way too nice to me, but still seemed really edgy about something.
About 10 minutes after I got home, FG called and said he just got off the phone with one of the guys in Ex's group. This guy and their supervisor were arrested today for stealing from the company. There had been six guys in this group...one was fired a couple of weeks ago and it's some big secret about why. Then today two were arrested (and presumably fired). That leaves Ex, his twin Tweedle Dum, and one new guy.
The thing they were arrested for is pretty weird. From what FG knows, there is a guy (not an employee) who does some independent contracting and recycles construction stuff for money (copper, steel, etc.) This guy called the police on Monday to report that someone had broken into his house. When the police arrived, they found over a million dollars worth of "stuff" in his garage. That sounds a little sketchy right off the bat. Somebody's either exaggerating or leaving out some major details. It turns out that most of the "stuff" in his garage, came from the company. The two guys who were arrested insist that it was scrap stuff that the company was throwing away so they gave it to this guy they know who could use it. Dumb, but hey. But the two guys were arrested this morning and only released a little while ago.
I kind of like the guy who was arrested (although he's the same one that ratted FG and me out to Ex when he saw us talking in the parking lot) but the first thought in my mind was OMG, they just arrested a third of Ex's group and he's got my children right now!
I wanted to call Ex right away and confront him about it and tell him that if there was any possibility of him even being questioned, I want to come get the boys now so they won't be there when the police show up but FG said he had promised not to tell anyone...he doesn't even know if Ex knows about the arrests (I'm sure he does..this is a close-knit group which scares me even more).
He said he would call the other guy back and try to get some more details from him. He texted me just now while I was writing this saying that R swears Ex wasn't involved in any way and there's no indication that the police are even looking at him. I hope he's right. I'm still freaked out about it though. Now half of Ex's group has been fired in the last couple of weeks and the whole group is going to be under serious scrutiny for a while. The QC person has told me several times that they've asked her to check up on Ex and she's got plenty to get him fired but she hasn't turned it in because she's friends with me. So even if he's not involved in this and doesn't get arrested in front of my kids tonight, there's a very real possibility that he could lose his job soon...and my friend could be in trouble for not turning him in all these times that she should have.
I know that worrying about it won't help anything, but I just hate this feeling. It's not quite as bad as the night that the kids were with my sister and I was out of town and Ex was making threats, but it's right up there. I just have this knot in my stomach and my head's spinning and there's nothing in the world I want more than to have my kids right here with me NOW so that I can pretend I'm in control of the situation.
Ex has the kids this weekend. I knew something was up because Squirt called him right after school and asked him if they could come over this weekend and he told him "We'll see." It's his weekend and he told me on Sunday that he was taking them. He actually asked to talk to me (which he NEVER does) and said that he was working late today and didn't know what time he'd be getting off so he'd let me know something later. Usually, if he works at all on Friday it's only till about lunchtime so I figured he sounded stressed out because he was actually having to work for once.
FG was going to come over when the kids left tonight so I talked to him when he got off work and let him know that they hadn't left yet. He was laughing about the fact that Ex was "running around like a bitch" today and he said he didn't know what was up with that group but there's been bigwigs in town all week and all of those guys have actually been running. Neither of us thought much about it.
When I dropped the boys at Ex's place (She had his car...She had to take The Kid to work with her this evening because Ex wasn't home yet), he was way too nice to me, but still seemed really edgy about something.
About 10 minutes after I got home, FG called and said he just got off the phone with one of the guys in Ex's group. This guy and their supervisor were arrested today for stealing from the company. There had been six guys in this group...one was fired a couple of weeks ago and it's some big secret about why. Then today two were arrested (and presumably fired). That leaves Ex, his twin Tweedle Dum, and one new guy.
The thing they were arrested for is pretty weird. From what FG knows, there is a guy (not an employee) who does some independent contracting and recycles construction stuff for money (copper, steel, etc.) This guy called the police on Monday to report that someone had broken into his house. When the police arrived, they found over a million dollars worth of "stuff" in his garage. That sounds a little sketchy right off the bat. Somebody's either exaggerating or leaving out some major details. It turns out that most of the "stuff" in his garage, came from the company. The two guys who were arrested insist that it was scrap stuff that the company was throwing away so they gave it to this guy they know who could use it. Dumb, but hey. But the two guys were arrested this morning and only released a little while ago.
I kind of like the guy who was arrested (although he's the same one that ratted FG and me out to Ex when he saw us talking in the parking lot) but the first thought in my mind was OMG, they just arrested a third of Ex's group and he's got my children right now!
I wanted to call Ex right away and confront him about it and tell him that if there was any possibility of him even being questioned, I want to come get the boys now so they won't be there when the police show up but FG said he had promised not to tell anyone...he doesn't even know if Ex knows about the arrests (I'm sure he does..this is a close-knit group which scares me even more).
He said he would call the other guy back and try to get some more details from him. He texted me just now while I was writing this saying that R swears Ex wasn't involved in any way and there's no indication that the police are even looking at him. I hope he's right. I'm still freaked out about it though. Now half of Ex's group has been fired in the last couple of weeks and the whole group is going to be under serious scrutiny for a while. The QC person has told me several times that they've asked her to check up on Ex and she's got plenty to get him fired but she hasn't turned it in because she's friends with me. So even if he's not involved in this and doesn't get arrested in front of my kids tonight, there's a very real possibility that he could lose his job soon...and my friend could be in trouble for not turning him in all these times that she should have.
I know that worrying about it won't help anything, but I just hate this feeling. It's not quite as bad as the night that the kids were with my sister and I was out of town and Ex was making threats, but it's right up there. I just have this knot in my stomach and my head's spinning and there's nothing in the world I want more than to have my kids right here with me NOW so that I can pretend I'm in control of the situation.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Moving on
I've been on a cleaning spree today. When they foreclosed on the house back in Jan/Feb, I just pretty much crammed everything in boxes and brought it here to the apartment. For the last year, I've been trying to find places to store things but I've had boxes and bags stacked all over my dining room. It drives me nuts, but I just haven't been able to work up to going through it all.
Unfortunately, my Christmas tree is behind/under all the boxes. And I bought the boys a computer for Christmas so I've got to clear out a space to put their computer desk. And I'm tired of having to vacuum and clean up the mess every time they eat on trays in the living room. So I finally dug in.
Actually, my intention was not to unpack everything but just to finally find places to stash it all. Somehow I found myself opening boxes and going through it though.
I guess I'm in a better place than I was a year ago because when I came across the box of wedding memorabilia in the garage, I just quickly taped up the box and loaded it in the van without even looking. I couldn't bear to throw it away but I couldn't bear to look at it either.
When I got to the wedding box this afternoon, I made myself look. I'm glad I looked instead of just throwing out the whole box because there were some other things in there that I wanted to keep. I threw out the bouquets (silk flowers), the shoes I wore, and some other things. I was sad about throwing them away but I did it which I guess is progress.
I found our wedding picture in a really nice Waterford crystal frame that someone gave us. The boys were really excited about it and wanted to put it on a shelf in the living room. I told them no. Squirt suggested that we put the picture in my room so I can remember when Daddy and I loved each other. I just wrapped it back in bubble wrap and put it back in a box along with our unity candle and the glasses we toasted with and the wedding video. Someday when the boys are older, I'll give the box to them. I overheard Squirt telling Pork Chop that the picture makes me sad because Daddy doesn't love US anymore.
One of the boxes was full of crap from the garage. In the bottom of the box was an old toy fire truck that Ex's parents had sent us. It was his when he was a kid and they were cleaning out all his junk from their basement. When the boys saw the firetruck, they went nuts. I told them it used to be their dad's when he was a little boy. Squirt said that the next time they go to Dad's house (they were supposed to be there this weekend but he flaked...again) they want to take the firetruck to show Dad. Pork Chop asked Squirt if he was going to let Dad keep the firetruck. Squirt said that it will have to be Dad's choice. He might want to give the firetruck to The Kid instead of them. That's when I just lost it and started crying. I should have been motherly and assured him that Dad would want him to have it and that even though Dad doesn't love me any more, he still loves them. I just couldn't do it though. I grabbed a couple of bags of trash and took them out to the car so the kids wouldn't see me cry.
Now I've got to get up the nerve to get back in there and finish. I think I'm through all the hard stuff. What's left is books and dishes and craft stuff, I think. I'm just tired now and bummed and don't feel like finishing. I really should have done this on a day when the boys weren't here but at this point it's got to be done and he won't have them again until the weekend before Christmas (assuming he actually takes them then).
I've been having a really hard time getting into Christmas this year. I was really sick over Thanksgiving so I didn't even go to Thanksgiving dinner. FG decided not to get the boys the Wii (I didn't want him to, but Squirt REALLY wants a video game so I'm bummed that he won't get one). I still don't know if Ex is actually going to take the boys Christmas morning. It won't matter, we'll have Christmas here either way, but it bothers me to think that they won't be with me that morning. The one morning of the year I don't want to sleep in. I'm hoping if we can get the tree up today it will help me get in the mood.
Unfortunately, my Christmas tree is behind/under all the boxes. And I bought the boys a computer for Christmas so I've got to clear out a space to put their computer desk. And I'm tired of having to vacuum and clean up the mess every time they eat on trays in the living room. So I finally dug in.
Actually, my intention was not to unpack everything but just to finally find places to stash it all. Somehow I found myself opening boxes and going through it though.
I guess I'm in a better place than I was a year ago because when I came across the box of wedding memorabilia in the garage, I just quickly taped up the box and loaded it in the van without even looking. I couldn't bear to throw it away but I couldn't bear to look at it either.
When I got to the wedding box this afternoon, I made myself look. I'm glad I looked instead of just throwing out the whole box because there were some other things in there that I wanted to keep. I threw out the bouquets (silk flowers), the shoes I wore, and some other things. I was sad about throwing them away but I did it which I guess is progress.
I found our wedding picture in a really nice Waterford crystal frame that someone gave us. The boys were really excited about it and wanted to put it on a shelf in the living room. I told them no. Squirt suggested that we put the picture in my room so I can remember when Daddy and I loved each other. I just wrapped it back in bubble wrap and put it back in a box along with our unity candle and the glasses we toasted with and the wedding video. Someday when the boys are older, I'll give the box to them. I overheard Squirt telling Pork Chop that the picture makes me sad because Daddy doesn't love US anymore.
One of the boxes was full of crap from the garage. In the bottom of the box was an old toy fire truck that Ex's parents had sent us. It was his when he was a kid and they were cleaning out all his junk from their basement. When the boys saw the firetruck, they went nuts. I told them it used to be their dad's when he was a little boy. Squirt said that the next time they go to Dad's house (they were supposed to be there this weekend but he flaked...again) they want to take the firetruck to show Dad. Pork Chop asked Squirt if he was going to let Dad keep the firetruck. Squirt said that it will have to be Dad's choice. He might want to give the firetruck to The Kid instead of them. That's when I just lost it and started crying. I should have been motherly and assured him that Dad would want him to have it and that even though Dad doesn't love me any more, he still loves them. I just couldn't do it though. I grabbed a couple of bags of trash and took them out to the car so the kids wouldn't see me cry.
Now I've got to get up the nerve to get back in there and finish. I think I'm through all the hard stuff. What's left is books and dishes and craft stuff, I think. I'm just tired now and bummed and don't feel like finishing. I really should have done this on a day when the boys weren't here but at this point it's got to be done and he won't have them again until the weekend before Christmas (assuming he actually takes them then).
I've been having a really hard time getting into Christmas this year. I was really sick over Thanksgiving so I didn't even go to Thanksgiving dinner. FG decided not to get the boys the Wii (I didn't want him to, but Squirt REALLY wants a video game so I'm bummed that he won't get one). I still don't know if Ex is actually going to take the boys Christmas morning. It won't matter, we'll have Christmas here either way, but it bothers me to think that they won't be with me that morning. The one morning of the year I don't want to sleep in. I'm hoping if we can get the tree up today it will help me get in the mood.
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