Hanging in there!

I got the brakes done on the car today...it cost me $140 for parts and labor for Dad's friend to do it. The rotor that Toyota wanted to charge me $140 for only cost $30 (and that was at the parts store...not the junkyard!) No wonder they were so quick to knock half off for me. He went ahead and rotated the tires too but I know I'll need new ones soon. So that's one thing out of the way. I've also got an appointment for tomorrow evening to have the tooth from Hell pulled. $80 to pull it or $580 for a root canal...wasn't a very tough decision. It is a little irritating because I've already lost several teeth on the top (I brush constantly but I've always had soft teeth and the older I get, the worse it is) so I wear an upper partial (which I HATE!) Of course, this tooth is on the bottom and near the front so I'll have a gaping hole in my smile until I get the money for a bridge, implant, or lower partial. Oh well, at least I'll be out of pain...I can worry about the cosmetic part later!

FG came over for dinner tonight and we had a really good time with the kids and talking after they went to bed. We haven't had much grownup time lately so I've kind of missed that. My "fake teeth" on the top make this sore tooth hurt worse so I warned him before he came over that I wouldn't be wearing them. I was a little self-conscious but he didn't seem bothered by it at all. He even told me a couple of times how beautiful I am...and almost seemed sincere about it! He did kind of scold me at one point and tell me that I need to pick my battles with Squirt which didn't really sit well with me. I explained to him that "picking my battles" over the past 8 months is what has led to the nightmarish behavior we're dealing with right now. I've lost all credibility with him (and the little one too) because I've been too tired, stressed out, depressed, guilty, whatever to stand firm with them. Lately I've been really trying to set very clear boundaries and stick by them. Hopefully, soon, we'll get back to a point where I can afford to pick the battles but right now, I've got to convince them that I mean business. He seemed to understand that. He hasn't been around long enough to realize how different the kids were a year ago or really how lax I've been since the separation. The kids are doing a whole lot better though and I'm feeling a lot better about parenting. They still push and test, but all kids do and that's not going to change. One day at a time, right?

I saw a job listing today for the same kind of work I've been doing for the last few years, only for an airline. It's a long-term contract position which means it will end...eventually...but it's here now. It pays close to the same thing I was making before, has all the usual benefits, plus flight privileges! The listing says the job is downtown which will suck (nearly a 30 mile commute) and I don't know if it's a suit-and-tie kind of workplace or more casual but I can't pass it up. I wrote my cover letter this afternoon but I want to reread it in the morning and add some samples of my work before I send it off. Keep your fingers crossed!

In the meantime, I'm trying to get some handmade things listed on Etsy...I'll post a link to my shop when I get it stocked. I actually knit, crochet, sew, and embroider and for a while I was making pretty decent play money selling my wares on discussion boards that I frequented. Since we separated, I quit going to those boards as much and haven't had as much time/motivation to sew so it's kind of fallen by the wayside. In the fall, I embroidered the school logo on a couple of hundred uniform shirts and bookbags for the Montessori school which is a big part of what's kept me going up till now but that's dried up for now. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to do that full time, but I think I would burn out fast...I like to have that as my hobby...I don't like feeling like I have to do it! Besides, do you know how much sewing I'd have to do to even cover the rent and utilities? Still, it's something, and right now I have the time...just got to get organized a little. I'm hoping that this year my mom and I can start doing more craft shows again. It's hard with the boys but I miss that.

So all in all I'm feeling better. Tonight's funny story about the boys? I was in the bedroom and heard Squirt snapping at his brother (wonder where he gets that?) I yelled in the other room and called him by all three names. Now, I'm not sure if this is universal but in the south, getting called by your nickname means no worries. When you hear your given name, you might want to sit up and take notice. When you get your full name, you better run and hide because Mom means business. Kids around here learn this very fast. So as soon as I said his name, I hear (barely audible over the huffing and rolling eyes) "Sorry, brother." Now Pork Chop actually had us worried for a while because even at almost 2 years old, he was not speaking at all...not even trying to. He had a huge sign language vocabulary when he was in the mood but for the most part he pointed and grunted or looked at his older brother and got what he wanted. The past couple of weeks, he has just exploded with new words every day. It's truly amazing to watch. And his favorite thing now is to copy everything his older brother says which drives Squirt absolutely crazy. Also, he really doesn't get the whole please-thank you-you're welcome-sorry thing. He uses all those words interchangeably for some reason and just can't figure out when he's supposed to say what. It's kind of cute actually. So Squirt begrudgingly mutters "Sorry, brother" and Pork Chop echoes back to him "Sorry, brother" (which he usually does when someone apologizes to him). Squirt got furious and yelled "You aren't supposed to say 'Sorry'...I said 'Sorry' to YOU!" Pork Chop answered "NO! ME say Sorry, brother!" and they argued for a good couple of minutes about who should say sorry. Finally I stopped laughing enough to break it up. It probably loses something in the translation but it was one of those moments I wish I could have gotten on video. One of those moments that their daddy doesn't even realize he's missing. One of the moments that makes me so happy that they're with me every day.